Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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