If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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