Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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