He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
