Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
