Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
