we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just invented taco cereal.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You ruined the universe
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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