just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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