fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
