happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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