i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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