how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
