my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found the puke drawer
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
