Just fell off a train. Bad.
We got so high we made milksteak
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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