So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
