You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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