Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
