matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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