Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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