Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize