Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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