He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
