if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
