I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
