Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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