I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
