For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
