Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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