Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
