Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
