You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
