Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
