Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
