friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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