So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
