Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
