i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
