so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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