I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
