did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
