Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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