she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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