HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
