I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
