I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
