Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
