I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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