I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
