I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
