The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
