He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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