I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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