Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
even my farts smell like vagina
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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