When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
