you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You ate ashes out of my bong
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
