just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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