Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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