Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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