Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
