just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
