I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
