We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
