9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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