Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
