I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
