Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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