i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
