Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
