It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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