I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
