I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
