She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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