Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
