Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
