Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
