she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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