Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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