I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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